A Ranger's Dream
by Bert30
Summary: Will and Halt are sent to round up a bunch of ruffians and thugs. But, it turns out much more... touchy-feely than they thought. One shot. I got this idea from another fanfiction by Hibernia12. Go look them up! Thanks for reading and please review!


Two cloaked figures approached the run down pub on horseback. The figures weren't much to look at; both were on the short side and their horses were small and shaggy. They didn't seem worth people's notice until you saw the long bows on their shoulders. The pub wasn't much to look at either. It was a small building and was on the outskirts of the woods. Not many people came to it, but those who did were hardened criminals. No one messed with the ruffians and thugs at the Snuggly Duckling.

"Why are we here again?" one of the cloaked figures asked. The other one rolled his eyes and then answered his apprentice.

"These thugs have been causing a lot of trouble in this part of the woods recently. Baron Arald finally sent us down here to clear them out," he paused a moment. "And I've heard they have delicious coffee." Will licked his lips.

"What are we waiting for then? Let's go!" He started his horse into a trot, but Halt pulled in front of him.

"Not so fast. You might as well just yell out that the Ranger's are coming! Stay quiet… if that's even possible." They rode forward with more caution this time and stabled their horses outside of the establishment. Next, they walked inside, as if they were just going to order a mug of something.

The inside of the pub was dark and somewhat smokey. Burly men sat at tables, on the floor, and one hung from the chandelier. Overall, the place just smelled like the color brown. Thankfully, no one paid them any attention other than a few bleary glances towards the door. Halt motioned to a dark corner.

"Go get us a table. I'll get the coffee." Will did as he was told, sat down, and proceeded to put his feet up on the table. Halt came back a moment later with two steaming mugs of "Ranger bait." He sat down next to his apprentice and began to scope the place out. With as many ruffians as there were, it would take at least three days to get them all. However, most of them seemed partly drunk. This could be a good thing; uncoordinated brutes were often the easiest to arrest. On the other hand, it could also make them extremely violent. They'd have to see what happened.

Halt was just finishing his mug and was about to get another when one of the men stood up. He had a stringy mustache and a hook for a hand. Halt quietly pulled his saxe, ready in case anything should happen. The thug cleared his throat and loudly proclaimed, "I have a dream!"

Oh, boy. thought Halt. Here we go. He put his feet up next to Will's to watch the show.

"I'm malicious, mean and scary

My sneer could curdle dairy

And violence-wise, my hands are not the cleanest

Confession, thought Halt.

But despite my evil look

And my temper, and my hook

I've always yearned to be a concert pianist.

Wait. What?

Can'tcha see me on the stage performin' Mozart?

Tickling the ivories 'til they gleam?

Yep, I'd rather be called deadly

For my killer show-tune medley

The hook handed thug played a rather impressive phrase of music and then continued to sing.

Thank you!

'Cause way down deep inside

I've got a dream!"

The whole room burst out in song!

He's got a dream! He's got a dream!

The hook handed thug continued to sing and the rest of the pub joined in for a rowdy chorus, all wishing their dreams to come true. Next, a rather ugly fellow stood up and began to sing… about how ugly he was.

This is really getting out of hand. Halt looked to his apprentice for help, but Will was just tapping his foot and grinning broadly. He certainly wasn't going to be of any help. The ugly man finished his soliloquy of wishing to find love and the tavern joined in again. About halfway through, Halt had decided he had had enough singing and dreams and stood up, ready to kick these thugs into next week.

"What about you?" the hook handed thug asked, turning towards the Ranger and backing him into a corner.

"Me?" Halt asked incredulously. He certainly wasn't the dreaming type.

"What's your dream?" the ugly one asked.

"Sorry, boys," Halt told them. "I don't sing." It seemed that at that moment everyone in the pub pulled out some sort of weapon and leveled it at his throat. He looked around for some way out. His knives weren't enough to fight them off and his bow was back at the table.

"Fine…" Halt said and climbed up on a table. The crowd cheered.

I have dreams like you, no really

Just much less… touchy feely.

They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny.

In a cottage of my own,

peaceful, happy and alone!

Halt dropped into a chair and swung his feet up on the table. Grabbing a nearby mug of coffee, he finished his song.

Surrounded by enormous mugs of coffee!

Everyone cheered, and suddenly, the lights went out. A random, lone spotlight shown on his apprentice, who had somehow managed to find a mandola. With a surprisingly good voice Will sang his verse.

I used to dream I'd be a knight,

But as you can see, that's not my kind of life.

He picked up the pace.

So now I am a Ranger,

and it's just the best thing ever!

Like all you, um… other guys I've got a dream.

The ruffians cheered again and broke into a final chorus. Will joined in wholeheartedly and Halt was surprised to find himself humming along. The song ended and everyone cheered. Halt raised his mug and took a sip.

"Wait!" someone cried. "Did you say you were a Ranger?" Halt cursed Will silently in his mind. Some of the thieves were pulling out their weapons again and turning on Will. The older Ranger decided he should probably get his apprentice out of this mess. He stood up and slammed his mug down on the table.

"We're Rangers alright, and the Baron sent us to arrest you all," the thugs started to turn on Halt. Before it could get ugly he continued. "But! After that song, I really don't feel like it," He gestured to the door. "So go. Live your dream."

"I will!" a little, drunk man in a diaper cried excitedly.

"I was talking to him," Halt said gesturing to… anyone else really. "Your dream stinks." The criminals were grinning now. "Now get out of here," Halt finished and sat back down with his coffee. Some of the thugs cheered, but they all left rather quickly. Will came over and sat down next to him.

"Is that your only dream Halt? To be alone with coffee?" he asked.

"Well, coffee yes. And some peace and quiet doesn't hurt now and then either. I wouldn't mind getting married though…" he replied thoughtfully. Will got a mischievous look on his face.

"Is it Lady Pauline?" he asked slyly. Halt glared at him.

"Go feed the horses." Will walked towards the door, but shouted back, "I've got a great pickup line! Want to hear it?" Without giving Halt a chance to answer he continued. "Somebody get me a glass. Cuz I just found me a tall, drink of water." The apprentice had a stupid grin on his face, which disappeared rather quickly after Halt threw his knife, embedding it in the door about a foot away from his head.

"Knife," Will said quietly and hurried out the door.  
**Tada! Thoughts? Any other ideas? Thanks for reading! -Britt**


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